My Auto'blog'ography - Part 4

Subject : My Auto'blog'ography - Part 4

Posted Date: : Apr 21, 2007 8:13 AM
Current mood:bored

High school was a period of great highs for me and great lows; it was a world different from the one that I grew up in.  I went to Lane Tech H.S., the land of the 'Lane Brains', it is a magnet school that has a grade point average minimum in order to be accepted, I got in with flying colors.  I guess it helped that I still studied while I was partying in elementary school.  All the people were preppies and I showed up this wanna-be hard kid from the hood.  Well, I conformed, I started wearing The Gap and Girbau Jeans, I stopped smoking weed and I joined a club, The Aspira Club.  The Aspira Club was to become my life for the next four years.  I was almost addicted to it; I used it to channel my feeling of confusion and loneliness over my teetering sexually.  Although, I did have a boyfriend in high school, on and off, but pretty much the same guy all through high school.  He was more like my best friend, we got along great and when we were together we were great and I did love him, I am not sure that I was ever really 'in love with' him and since I am not sure how he would react to being mentioned in my blog, for his name I will also use initials, so we will call him H.M.R..  In 1992 I did almost become Mrs. H.M.R. but we broke up yet again and during the period of our second to last break-up I joined the Navy, we got back together for a few months and after The Prom we had our final break-up, he said that he didn't want to leave Chicago to be a military husband, I later found out the truth and that was that we was afraid.  We are made up now, we still hang out a little (very little) when I manage to get home to Chicago and we are still good friends 14 years later.  To be totally honest, if we did actually get married back then, I really do think it would have worked out but mostly because our personalities matched up that well and his mother loved me.  H.M.R. is someone that I have always been able to be honest with, I could always be myself and comfortable around him, I think that eventually I would have been able to tell him about my confusion over my sexuality.  I ultimately scared him off when I said that I loved him and I even did that the wrong way, I first time that I said I loved him was over a pager message.  On prom night I had planned on giving him my virginity and he ultimately rejected me that night, he took me home and that was the last time I saw him, he broke up with me officially over the phone a couple of months later, I put my fist through a wall when I got the phone call.  I miss talking to him, he is a great guy and a wonderful friend and he is one of the very few people that I still keep in touch with from my younger years.  Whoever he eventually settles down with will be a very lucky person because he is a great guy and he gives his whole heart.  By the way, if he is reading this, I never did say thank you for protecting my innocence on prom night, I wasn't ready yet and I think you knew that and I realized later that you didn't want to hurt me or take advantage of me.  I wish you happiness and I still do love you, you were my first love, how could I not.  Until next time, this is Myriam signing out for the addition of 'About Me'.