My Auto’blog’ography - Part 10

Subject : My Auto’blog’ography - Part 10

Posted Date: : Sep 4, 2008 7:26 AM
Current mood:distractable

My elementary years were as typical as any I think; I grew up in the very same house that I live in now although over the years the old block has gone through a lot of transitions.  In 1977 we were only the second Hispanic family to move into the all white neighborhood which was mostly Polish at the time.  In the '90's it got really bad with all of the local gang issues, the Imperial Gangsters owned the turf.  My sister and I knew most of the gang members because we had grown up with them living on that block for as long as we have, this year marks our 31st anniversary as residents.  Now it is turning into Yuppie Ville, which is not so bad because they are fixing up the joint and their tax money is making the city take notice so I guess you can say we are on an upswing again as far as demographics and gentrification goes; I don't hear nearly as many gunshots at night and I can almost say that it is quiet except for the occasional car with the music blasting driving through after midnight.  I just moved home last September, this passed Labor Day marked my one year anniversary and it is weird seeing these people from my past all of the time and it is equally weird that they are such an active part of my present; we are all older, some of us have gray hair, some of have kids, some of us have grandkids, but still here we are sharing so many of the same things and occasions that we have always shared, we sit around telling stories of our childhood and love ones passed.  I have to admit I love it, I am so nostalgic and it is wonderful to remember and to relive those memories while making new memories.

I had a good childhood, especially during the summers; we were always going on picnics and BBQ's.  We were always getting together with the other families in our parish; my childhood was always filled with friends and family.  Don't get me wrong, we had a lot of crappy times during my childhood too, my sister, brother, and I spent literally years beating the crap out of each other, we would have put some professional wrestlers to shame.  We also spent years watching my Dad and his siblings getting drunk and trying to kill each other.  My dad is an alcoholic and back then his drinking was a lot worse, so I have plenty of drunken daddy memories, just about every memory with daddy was a drunken one.  I am not mad at him though, he can't help being an alcoholic even though he won't admit to himself or anyone else that he is a drunk.  In the winters we would always go 'Parrandeando', the season for that ran from right after Thanksgiving until The Epiphany, Jan 6th which also happens to be my dad's birthday.  We even went on a few family vacations to Florida and Puerto Rico, I have a lot of great memories from that time period and my parents still hang out with most of the same families until this day.  Our oldest friends are the Garcia family, they live across the alley from us and have lived there just as long as we have lived here, we all grew up together and we are still growing together.  The last 30 plus years have been filled with our two families sharing weddings, funerals, Quinceañeras, Holidays, BBQs, sleep over's, babysitting, everything that two families can share and I don't think that our fathers have gone more than two weeks without seeing each other, I am dead serious those two men still see each other pretty much everyday; a friendship like no other that I have ever seen.

My mom has been working at the same place for over 40 years and some of her coworkers have worked there for just as long.  She works in a hospital and has done just about every job in that hospital that her training allows.  It is weird to go there and run in to nurses who remember me from my medical attention needing accident prone days, my last visit there as a patient was in the late '80's.  My siblings and I were born at the same hospital that my mom works at and a couple of the nieces/nephews were also born there.  My dad was a factory worker and now he is a retired cancer survivor whose main job these days consists of running my nieces/nephews around and maintaining the building, the house is over 100 years old and needs a lot of work.  My dad still fancies himself a womanizer but I am not sure how much womanizing that he gets to do these days, although for the last 10 years or so I think that it has only been one woman, her name is Olga.  He still thinks that we don't know about his past, despite the fact that the truth came out in the open around 8 years ago.  His brother, my uncle, had finally had enough and secretly taped my dad talking to his girlfriend and then he gave the tape to my mom.  My mom had a rough time of it after that, a lot of personal torture and this incredible drive to find out everything, he bugged the phone at the house, scoured through phone records, hired a private investigator, and even stalked the woman for a little while.  I guess the worst thing is that Olga at one time was a family friend, I remember her from years ago so she was involved with our family and secretly seeing my dad at the same time, kind of sick if you ask me.  My father will not speak to or acknowledge my uncle even today, he hasn't spoken a word to his brother in over eight years, my dad blames his brother for blabbing rather than blaming himself for cheating.  I am not surprised though, when that whole Catholic Church Pedophilia scandal broke out he actually defended the priests and the Catholic Church.  If I had to describe my dad I would say that he is a cross between Archie Bunker and Ricky Ricardo!!  Anyway, he is not a horrible person, just kind of warped and he avoids spending time with family like the plague.  See with us the bubble is busted and the façade is gone, we see him for what he really is, an alcoholic womanizer – he has fallen off the pedestal that he fancies himself atop of; that is just to real for him so instead of facing it he avoids it and in turn avoids us.  Luckily my mom has moved on and I really don't think that they are in love with each other anymore – they have just lived together for so long that they don't know anything else, so I guess that they are more like roommates, this year marks their 40^th wedding anniversary.  They still argue but not about his cheating – mostly about him trying to regain control but what he doesn't and may never realize that his power is gone and it will never come back.  We look at him with pity now and my mom will never give him back the power that he once had over her and the family.  These days mom calls the shots and she comes and goes as she pleases.  She doesn't depend on him for company or support – she runs the house and the family – he is just kind of there, more like a handyman these days; especially since his retirement because she is now the main breadwinner in the family, he gets an allowance.  So he avoids even holiday's with us and spends every spare moment at church doing the deacon thing because there his pedestal still stands – he is still adored and glorified by his fellow parishioners despite the fact for many years the women in the parish were his prey.  That church has lost quite a few female parishioners over the years thanks to my dad – they literally disappeared off the face of the earth, some to reappear several years later as nothing had ever happened.  One day that long, lost sibling will reappear wanting to know their father or their other family – maybe with false hopes of monetary fulfillment but who knows what will happen really or if they even exist, a part of me believes they do though, the way my dad spread his seed they must.  I think now my mom is happy with all of her kids at home – like she is whole again, other than the whole crappy husband thing.  She cooks every Sunday so we can gather lured by her awesome culinary skill and she spends time with us whenever possible – I must admit I am happy to have my mommy back too.

My brother, sister, and I finally stopped beating the crap out of each other and these days we actually hug, kiss, and say we love each other, something that was not even thought of while we were growing up, my moving out was the best thing that ever happened to our relationship, we still argue though, mostly about noise, money, and personal differences.  My brother has settled down, he has a successful career, he owns a condo and has a wonderful and loving life partner who our whole family adores, and he even has a dog.  My sister is married with five kids and two step kids, the oldest one being 19 years old and the youngest somewhere around 3 years old (I think).  She lives upstairs from me hence the arguing about the noise and she is a fulltime college student.  Her husband and I are in similar fields and we have a lot in common I think except for video games and football, I am not in to either really and he is in to both hardcore.

To this day I wonder why my parents hooked up, they are the epitome of opposites attract, my mom is classy and my dad is a 'Jibaro'.  My dad is a garbage picking packrat and my mom secretly throws things out.  Her family is perfect and his family is filled with thugs.  On my mom's side everyone is successful and well rounded, educated and the only death was a war hero; my dad's side has several incarcerations and the deaths were either murder or drug related, except for my Grandma.  Every sibling on my dad's side has some sort of addiction and they have like three different fathers, each father being a deadbeat in his own right.  My dad is the most successful of his siblings and he is a womanizing drunk, sad isn't it?  Luckily their offspring did not turn out with the same afflictions; we decided to be the difference, the turn. My cousins and I saw our parents and decided that we wanted to be better people, with the exception of my aunt Ana's kids; they followed in the normal family tradition of addiction and the deadbeat, criminal life.  The rest of us are either in school or have graduated, we don't have any addictions other than food in some of our cases and we are pretty successful, big difference from our parents; our main issue being low self-esteem pretty much across the board.  Really though despite all of the negatives my dad isn't a bad guy, misunderstood I think and for his friends he is awesome, he will bend over backwards and give them the shirt off of his back and I think secretly he loves having the family around despite all his bitching and complaining, especially where his grandkids are concerned.  I think he likes when we depend on him to do stuff for us, especially with my nieces/nephews – all the bitching and moaning is a cover.

Anyway enough about all that, I am going to bring this one to a close.  I will be covering a lot about myself and my life in this blog but some things from my past I will take to the grave with only a few selected people knowing what happened, my wife in particular, she knows everything.  Now that I think about it, when it comes to her knowledge of my life and all that I have done over the years, it places me in a very vulnerable position; thank God she is a friend and not a foe, LOL!  Thanks for reading and God bless!