My Auto’blog’ography - Part 6

Subject : My Auto’blog’ography - Part 6

Posted Date: : Jun 2, 2008 4:55 PM
Current mood:working

Hello again to whoever actually reads my blog!  This addition of 'About Me' will continue with my high school years.  Of course, there were girls in high school that I had crushes on, some crushes were small and some were bigger; but all were on untouchable, uninterested, straight chicks.  Me in my typical fashion, since I could not have them to date, I sought out to be their best friends and at the time that was good enough for me, at least until E.C. in my senior year.  E.C. was the first person that I can honestly say that I was truly in love with and I stayed in love with her for several years after high school.  Eventually I got over her, thank God, because over the years she had become a somewhat less than desirable person to be around.  I think that maybe perhaps she was always like that and I was just too 'Enchula' to realize it at the time, she was my first real heartbreak!!  Although to take some of the blame for what ultimately ended our friendship, I guess I sort of broke her heart too.  She was dating my best friend, Eddie, and as happy as I was to see them together because I loved them both so much, it was killing me inside to know that they were being intimate.  E.C. and I met in my sophomore or junior year through Aspira, she wanted to start up a club at her high school, and I was part of the Aspira Club Federation for the City of Chicago so she was petitioning through us.  I have to admit that it really was love at first sight and I did make an attempt to befriend her, unfortunately we did lose touch.  In April of 1993 she moved into my neighborhood, she moved in with her cousins who just happened to be longtime friends of mine, and we reestablished our friendship.  We were inseparable, we even spent every night together either at my house or hers, I was head over heals!  I loved her so much that I wanted her to be happy, so much that I put her happiness before my own and I fixed her up with my best friend and next door neighbor Eddie.  In April of 1993, I also enlisted in the US Navy; I was in the delayed entry program and scheduled to leave for boot camp on October 18 of that year, my parent's 25^th wedding anniversary.  If she would have given me the slightest clue that she wanted to be more than just my friend, I would have never left, I would have quit the Navy before I even started, and for her I would have done anything.  We stayed close for about a year after I left, I even admitted my feelings for her, and then shortly after that the friendship was over.  She got married and moved on with her life, I didn't even know about the wedding, I heard about it after the fact.  We did make a couple of attempts over the years to reestablish contact but it just never worked out and now we aren't even acquaintances.  At one point she did let me know that when I left for the Navy she felt that I had abandoned her, she was truly heartbroken, and she resented me for leaving, what she didn't realize is that I loved her too much to stay and not have her as my own.  I remember one evening in the summer before I left as vividly as if it happened yesterday, we were all sleeping over Eddie's house, his mom was out of town and I slept in the living room right outside his bedroom.  I did not sleep a wink that night because I spent the entire night listening to them have sex and it killed me so much that I became physically ill and as soon as day broke, I had to get out of there, I even threw-up before I left.  It was like 6:00am on a Sunday and I walked around for what seemed like forever, I couldn't bring myself to go home so I ended up at the 7:30am Catholic Mass at my local Parish.  The church was filled with elderly white people who looked at me like I was crazy because I was there so early.  I guess she was watching for me because when I finally got home, she walked into my room, and she didn't say anything she just got into bed with me and held me without saying a word, we never talked about it.  Later that summer I had the opportunity to kiss her on the lips, she leaned in to kiss me and I chickened out at the last millisecond and moved my head so that the kiss landed on my cheek; the thought crossed my mind that if she kissed me it would forever change or even possibly end the friendship and I knew that I couldn't live without having her in my life, if even as only a friend.  If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would have gone for it. The last time we saw each other, which was about two years ago, she sort of wigged out a bit; I think that she thought that I was hitting on her.  That was farthest from my mind, I am happily married to my wife, and she was still married to the same guy and had a kid, I am way too respectful to try to pick up on a married, straight woman.  So, yet again, she blew me off, although this time it was for the last time because I just don't have the time or the patience to deal with straight chicks who think that lesbians are like guys who can't control their loins  and can't help but to hit on every pretty girl who comes around.  It hurt that she even let that thought cross her mind, I guess that over the years, we both changed and ultimately we were just not compatible anymore.  Anyway, at this point in my life there is no love lost and I have too much respect for myself to put myself through the headache of trying to reestablish or maintain a friendship with her.  I wish her good luck and happiness in her life and I can quite honestly say that I hope that we never cross paths again.  Next time, more high school crushes, T.T.F.N.!

Subject : My Auto’blog’ography Update

Posted Date: : Jun 2, 2008 6:59 PM
Current mood:tired

Update for My Auto'blog'ography - Part 6, E.C. and I are working on being friends again, let's see what happens.  OK, so I eat my words and I don't mind so much that we are crossing paths again.  Until next time...